I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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