so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The Olympian is in my bed
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
