So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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