i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
