I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
