I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
