I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
