If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
