I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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