Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
