u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
