It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
