what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
