I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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