you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
