So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
