I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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