That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
