I seem to have left my pride at pride
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
