ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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