She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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