Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
