I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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