If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
