He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
