2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
