I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
