fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your penis caused this!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
