woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
why is half of my head shaved?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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