i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
