I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
