You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
