If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
