the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
