I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
