Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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