textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My day in three words: secret purse cake
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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