Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
