So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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