Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
