i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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