If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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