Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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