Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
