i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
