2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
