idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
