i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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