Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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