the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
