there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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