There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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