More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
