My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
