I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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